3129. Advices for Young People
Making baby pesterings from relatives a self-inflicted stress
Women in Singapore have a choice. Motherhood or career. In busy careers, miscarriage may occur.
I gave an example of a career-oriented mother whose first baby resulted in a miscarriage. She was self-disciplined and a hard-working competent worker as evident by her promotions over the years to become a manager of over 100 staff.
She would be punctual in going to her office to work. Not the type to dread going to work. She worked till midnight as the computerisation work of the government ministry required devotion of long hours and some weekend presence.
Her first pregnancy was a few years after marriage when she was ready for motherhood. Around the 2nd trimester, she experienced some vaginal discharge. The umbilical cord of the first son had loosened and wrapped round the foetus. The lady obstetrician in Thomson Medical Centre gave injections to prevent miscarriage.
Ideally, she should resign and stay at home to have complete rest. But will this guarantee motherhood? I doubt it. That period was not the internet age to research for more medical information. She did not seek a second opinion as she trusted the doctor.
She wanted to work to earn her living as she was not born with a silver spoon. Her wedding dinner was sadly, not the grand one of her second son's. A table with a couple to celebrate. No engagement diamond ring or pre-wedding photo shoot in Taiwan or other countries.
It must be a great disappointment for a young lady's first wedding. But she never complained. She was happy in her marriage and her demanding career was flourishing. No time to sweat the small stuff! Every day was a good day for her.
This miscarriage must be traumatic setback for her but she did not express her sorrows openly.The doctor advised her not to be stressed by work. She had a new obstetrician in Gleneagles Hospital when she became pregnant. Two good-looking and filial sons were born by Caesarean section.
The first son is a guardian angel for the family apparently. He protected the second son from a serious car accident in that this young man had no scratches or brain injury despite the car being wrecked with the roof deeply dented and the driver's door flung apart. The car landed on the other side of the fencing and facing the correct direction. As if a divine hand had caught it as it flew upwards, turned it around to face correctly so that he would not be killed if an oncoming car sped into him.
The car somersaulted as it hit the central road fencing opposite Thomson Medical Centre. It landed onto the other side of the road facing the right way and on its wheels. An incoming taxi would have been crushed and the taxi driver killed had the taxi-driver drove a second faster. The taxi had only a dislodged bumper. In later years, his father had a car accident in Myanmar and a car tyre burst on the expressway but no speeding car banged into his car. In both accidents, he suffered no injuries. His parents travelled on packaged tours overseas but were safe in all these travels. So, there must be a guardian angel.
"Two is enough" was the government propaganda then. "Three if you can afford it" was not propagated yet, but she could afford three or more. For this mother, there was no pressure from relatives or in-laws at all as the family members were not close. No family members celebrate birthdays and require presence of everyone to sing "Happy Birthday to you".
However, in large families, there is the unpleasantness of being asked as to why there are no babies at the numerous gatherings every year and birthday celebration.
The newly married woman inflicts stress on herself and her loved ones if she reacts strongly. "It is none of your business" but family members and friends in Singapore do ask honestly and without ill will. Or for the sake of carrying on a conversation.
There are also some parents who are trapped in the Chinese culture of expecting babies soon after marriage. They think children will care for the aged parents and give endless joy. This is unrealistic as many aged seniors are left alone in aged homes. Many children do not get educated to University level when they can gain acceptance as some parents do not have the means or want to make the sacrifices by selling their residence.
Do not be self-inflicted with stress due to baby-making pesterings from relatives, parents and in-laws if you have decided on climbing the corporate ladder.
Self-inflicted stresses are not good for your health. If the choice is career, go for it. Life is short and we don't know what tomorrow will bring. You make your choice. Damn the consequences